My bad, the trip hasnt been planned with any utlerior motives, I just love traveling and finally found the time and money to do so and booked the trip 2 months ago. On the other hand my mom seemed to be doing good until now but just announced to us she'll get surgery. If anything were to happen to her while i'm at the other side of the world I would feel remorseful for the rest of my life. Basically the whole problem is that my anxiety is based on "what ifs", and thinking of a future where she is in a critic situation made me think about our whole relationship again. Basically I want to change and be a better daughter AND i'm worrying about this trip were if anything happens to her I would not be able to do anything for her.