19F 43M

Submitted by 13wanderer13 t3_10q9v60 in relationship_advice

Hello everyone. Im a 19 year old girl dating a 43 year old man for about a year now… I moved out at 18 and he was my ‘roommate,’ the rent was very cheap so I snatched up the offer. Looking back on it I think he did it on purpose. I’ve been living with him for a year and a half now, and in all that time I’ve endured so many dangerous situations at the hands of this man… he’s an alcoholic and has gone on violent rampages against me, multiple times. Though he never put a hand on me, he did try to kick my door down to my room and he tried to break the patio door that’s part of my room. I usually would leave, so he would send me horrible text messages. All of this eventually culminated into him getting arrested and charged with a DUI. this means he can’t drive for who knows how long, and he’s dealing with legal stuff for months. I’ve been helping him through it but Im so sick of dealing with his bad moods and all this DUI alcoholic bullshit, I want to be out having fun with people that are positive. I’ve broken up with him so many times but I always give him the benefit of the doubt, mostly because we live together so I see him every day no matter what. I don’t know how to set a clean boundary of “I don’t want to do this anymore.” There’s a part of me that loves him but there’s an even more powerful part of me that just wants to be free from it all. We’ve had great times and he’s done a lot for me, but the alcohol and the age difference are too much for me. Truly I just wanted to vent but if anyone has any thoughts about this, please feel free to share. Thank you.

TLDR; I (19f) don’t know how to set a clear boundary to finally break up with my bf (43m) whom is also my roommate.

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Kooky_Independent656 t1_j6oq9hx wrote

Yikes...pack up your stuff when he is not home and move out...save up some money, get a job and leave...be independent so you never have to depend on a POS like him

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13wanderer13 OP t1_j6pfc5j wrote

I’m 100% independent, I have a job and savings. I don’t live with him out of necessity, haven’t for a while. I’ve become attached to where I live because it’s less than ten minutes away from my job and it’s across the street from the college I want to attend. There’s many factors to this and why I can’t just pick up and leave. My entire family is in another country and I don’t have close friends outside of work.. the thought of doing that all by myself is heart wrenching :/ specially because that’s how I moved out in the first place.. packed up my stuff and left without telling anyone. It’s easier said than done. For now I just want to draw a line in the sand.

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Radiant-Transition45 t1_j6or1ps wrote

You need to move secretly and break up over the phone or in a public places. This way you don’t have to go back to the apartment. You are too young to be dealing with that crap especially from a 43 year old.

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13wanderer13 OP t1_j6ph25y wrote

The moving out thing.. its easier said than done. I agree with your last statement, I think about that all the time and how I don’t want to waste my youth on this relationship. For now I’m looking to set a boundary until I have my driver’s license and im getting it in a week. Idk :/ truly I should’ve left after the first outburst.

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womp-womp-rats t1_j6ot6x2 wrote

This behavior wouldn’t be acceptable from someone your own age, but at least you might hope he’d grow out of it as he matured. This bum is 43 years old. This is who he is. It only gets worse from here. There’s a reason he’s shacking up with a teenager rather than a woman his own age — or within 20 years of his age. Gross.

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13wanderer13 OP t1_j6pghhy wrote

:/ you’re right.. I told myself that I can’t love him for who I want him to be.. and I’m sure if I hadn’t been his roommate I would’ve never been interested in someone like him. He actually lied to me about his age, took like 3 years off of it. I found out because I looked up his public records.. I was floored, I thought it was surely a mistake on the website. It wasn’t.

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