MrGingerlicious t1_j8c8g3f wrote on February 13, 2023 at 5:42 AM

Reply to comment by lappel-do-vide in Cultivating a sense of perspective about pet loss can lead to post-traumatic growth after their death by chrisdh79

Perspective is everything and everyone deals with grief differently, for sure.

I had the opposite experience. My Mum passed away (suddenly/unexpected) and my Cat (who I adopted when I moved out of home and had with me the entire, almost 12 years of his life) less than two years after that.

My Cat passing away hit me *way* harder. I was pretty close with my Mum and we had a very healthy relationship. That being said, she also prepared me for her eventual passing and always tried to get us kids to look for the good in every change.

The fact my Mum lived her life best she could and did the right thing by my Dad and her three kids, including doing a lot of travelling when we moved out, helped me deal with her passing in a big way.

But when *I* had to make the decision to put my best Mate to sleep and say goodbye to him... Part of me died with him and it still hurts the same now, so I try not to think about it too much tbh.

HippyHitman t1_j8cne6n wrote on February 13, 2023 at 8:56 AM

I think another huge difference is that most human death isn’t preventable. It either happens suddenly, or medical care just can’t fix it.

With pets it’s rare to actually explore all the treatment options, because who can afford to spend thousands of dollars on a coin flip treatment that will at best add a couple years? And would that even be in the pet’s best interest?

With humans those generally aren’t things you have to worry about. With your pet, you have to make those decisions for them.

MrGingerlicious t1_j8coklq wrote on February 13, 2023 at 9:13 AM

Exactly. In my case, my Cat had either a) A Genetic Bone Disease or b) Bone Cancer.

Even if he was Human, that doesn't give you many treatment options. Being a Cat, it isn't even an option.

If he were an 80+ yr/old relative, you could just say "Hey, the chemo isn't worth the suffering, but you've had a good run and we'll make the rest of your time is comfortable". But as an almost 12 yr/old Cat, it was "We have to put him to sleep now, he won't eat and isn't doing well" on the spot, no real time to think or get second opinions or treatment options.

CroneMage t1_j8ds3ao wrote on February 13, 2023 at 3:51 PM

I was in this exact situation a couple of weeks ago.

My cat was a former stray, FIV+. When I got him his estimated age was 3. I had him for 11 years. He started losing weight, having mobility issues, eye problems and dementia. I had to weigh the cost of testing what exactly was wrong and if it was able to be treated versus his quality of life.

There was an added complication in that I myself have terminal cancer and am going through yet another round of chemo so have a lot of medical bills and physical issues with the likelihood of having to make quality of life decisions myself sometime soon.

I had him put to sleep and donated all his supplies to a local feline rescue/no kill shelter to help out other kitties.

I will not be getting another cat due to my tenuous lifespan. I don't want to get a kitty that will need to be rehomed when I pass. I spend time with family member's and friend's pets as I'm able now.

I admit I did do some second guessing of my decision to have him put to sleep, but it was the right thing to do for him.

tiptoeintotown t1_j8ebu25 wrote on February 13, 2023 at 6:07 PM

Agreed.

I can’t even think about my dog that passed or talk about her without getting emotional. Like, really emotional. I used to wake up every night at like 2 and it was always just a matter of time before the dark quiet night ushered in thoughts of her that felt inescapable. I couldn’t even be in my apartment after I had to put her down so I moved.

My dad passed suddenly when I was 19 and this was not that. This was far, far worse.