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farmer15erf t1_j1hygzj wrote

Classic domestic violence victim retracting. Hate to see it.

909

ManInBlack829 t1_j1hzpep wrote

The amount of criticism and shame she's feeling for this must be immense.

I feel really bad for anyone who has to report anything like this, even worse for how society will blame them for it.

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yanbu t1_j1i21qz wrote

So many misandrists out there saying it’s just a case of a victim of DV protecting her abuser. This is what it’s so frustrating about the current state of affairs of family law for men. Even an just an accusation, even in this case where there was significant physical evidence to refute her claim, has a massive negative effect on men’s lives. (I say men here because there isn’t really any for women. In fact female on male domestic violence is 10x the rate of the other way around, albeit with less serious consequences much of the time, and if you call the police as a guy in many jurisdictions YOU will be the one arrested.) False accusations are actually quite common, and it’s not even hard to understand why. You put someone in a high stress situation, she punches the guy hard enough to break his glasses, the police show up and she’s worried about catching charges and not being able to see her kids but she’s got an easy button, an instant way to make the stress, the police, and her husband she’s pissed at go away: say he hit me. We shouldn’t be surprised that this happens and we definitely shouldn’t take accusations lightly, but we need to give people a little grace and not start destroying their lives before having a chance to uncover the truth.

−47

CRoseCrizzle t1_j1i43t6 wrote

Yeah obvious DV victim false recanting of original true accusation imo. Women(not all but many of them) tend to initially protect their abusive spouses, especially a wealthy high profile spouse.

However, this will probably be enough to keep Beard out of prison. Idk if it will be enough for him to keep the Texas job.

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blumpkinmania t1_j1id7l4 wrote

Yikes! I know someone with a penchant for hitting women.

Edit. What is wrong with you people downvoting me? He wrote that men suffer 10 times the DV that women do. Thats not even in the realm of the truth. This is insane and frankly, evil.

−38

blumpkinmania t1_j1ik93w wrote

You wrote that men suffer DV ten times more than women. That’s insanely incorrect and makes you an awful person to tell lies like that. And the fact that people are upvoting your garbage is appalling.

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yanbu t1_j1impcr wrote

If you extrapolate from the extremely low reporting rate and the official stats on female on male domestic that number isn’t that far off. Male on female domestic violence is more likely to lead to injury but women are 2x as likely to use a lethal weapon and is much more likely to lead to the male committing suicide (probably plays a large role in the disparity between suicide rates between the genders). Please consider evaluating your prejudices rather than just calling people evil and closing your mind whenever you run into an idea that runs counter to your beliefs, it will help make the world a better place.

−22

CoweringCowboy t1_j1inb6i wrote

Yeah I’m not sure where they got that information, it looks to be incorrect. Most research indicates that DV is mostly gender symmetric. We just don’t care about men getting abused in western society.

But yes it was also ironic to call the poster an abuser when the post was about illegitimate abuse allegations. Almost like you were trying to prove their point.

9

CoweringCowboy t1_j1int6u wrote

Current research indicates DV is gender symmetric. The smart people already extrapolate from low reporting rate to estimate roughly a 1:1 ratio. People are equally shitty, who would have thought. You are correct about the consequences though, women are much more like to get seriously injured.

Saying high male suicide rates are due to abusive women… pure incel trash.

8

LetterheadLow2142 t1_j1inulo wrote

Dude, you are pulling these numbers out of your butt. Women are not twice as likely to use a Lethal weapon. Women are overwhelmingly likely to die at the hands of male abusers than men are to be killed by women, regardless of whether those women are survivors or abusers. You can easily find this data in the FBI annual report on violent crime and every state offers the same data specifically for your state.

It is true that men are less likely to report being victims of DV but there are many complex reasons for this, but the data we have collected overwhelmingly shows that abuse men experience at the hands of female perpetrators of domestic violence are non-violent methods (e.g. financial abuse, emotional abuse, chronic infidelity, etc.)

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blumpkinmania t1_j1ioqax wrote

Ok. I’m just glad to see you admit that you made up your numbers. I also like you wrote that women use lethal weapons 2x more than men. That’s cute. We all know women are far more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men. But you weaseled your way around that. You could work at Fox News with that kind of written word gymnastics.

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yanbu t1_j1iqx1c wrote

Here’s a quote from the Australian Institute of Suicide Research and Prevention, can’t find the study without putting some actual looking in but draw your own conclusions. “almost half of male suicides are linked with relationship issues”. There’s a pretty solid picture of a relationship between male suicide, dv, and other family related issues.

So, once again, I ask you to actually confront your prejudices rather than just perpetuating the problem.

I’d like to note that nothing I’ve said detracts from the issues women have with DV. It’s a serious concern. But we won’t have a healthy society unless we address the entire problem.

1

CoweringCowboy t1_j1ittuf wrote

Pretty big jump, relationship issues to DV. Weird that you’re cherry picking your research - you’re conveniently skimming over all the research that shows DV is largely a general neutral issue. That alone is contrary to conventional wisdom, but that’s not enough for you. Based on your experience with life, you need men to be the victims, and seek research that confirms this bias. If you’d like to form a well rounded and substantiated opinion, look at the entire body of research. Read the methodology. Develop opinions of your own. Don’t get your information from angry men competing for your attention. This is classic divide and conquer. Instead of blaming a sick society that concentrates resources and relationship opportunities, you’re being tricked into blaming women.

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CoweringCowboy t1_j1iuw3h wrote

Yeah this is actually a pretty interesting thread right here - the other guy is exhibiting textbook right wing incel behavior and you’re exhibiting textbook liberal cancel culture behavior. He’s spreading misinformation and you’re taking the bait, and making large scale unsubstantiated accusations about his entire person.

You two were made for eachother. Literally, by big media. They divided us into you two, and are now conquering.

1

CoweringCowboy t1_j1iv8ts wrote

Yeah I was more trying to get at the root of what’s causing your behavior - you’re on r/sports spreading cherry picked misinformation about DV. If my strawman doesn’t accurately represent you, feel free to disregard.

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blumpkinmania t1_j1iviar wrote

Hahahahaha! Liberal cancel culture. You mean the consequences for one’s actions. You’re awesome. Thanks for that laugh. Gotta love the “centrists”. Folks who lie about DV are the same as folks who call out the lies. Perfect!

−1

CoweringCowboy t1_j1iwr6e wrote

Nah consequences are great. Censorship of dissent using big tech is not. Silencing dissenters using unsubstantiated allegations is not. All around the me too movement has had a very positive impact on society and for women. Cancel culture has been hijacked by the censors and is being used to silence opposing narratives.

3

TheRareWhiteRhino t1_j1j2mjc wrote

If you want anyone to take what you are saying seriously you will do the work to provide a source. If you won’t (or more likely can’t) provide a source for your stated claims, your comments have no merit. They’re just musings from an unreliable narrator.

So…will you provide a source?

…I doubt it.

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MRmandato t1_j1j3liw wrote

Worked front desk at a PD for several years. You have no idea how common this was. I remember one specific type a woman came in wanting to remove the automatic NCO and retract her statement. I pulled up the case and skimmed the report as I spoke to her. It happened last night, boyfriend beat her badly. Her bruises were still fresh on her check and face. I could do nothing but give her a DV Resources packet and send her to the prosecutors office.

This happened on a weekly basis with multiple women. You read the reports and its horrible. So many times particularly asking for the NCO to be dropped.

And yes,women get arrested for DV against men all the time. I remember giving a womans purse back to her after she was arrested once, girl was about 22 and maybe 130 lbs. She hit her boyfriend who was massive- over 6 feet and big. Cops arrested her and she spent the night in jail. They really dont care about gender, and a lot of times both people can be arrested if its mutual combat.

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desirox t1_j1j71jg wrote

More like they’re seeing their lifestyle/money disappearing along with backlash from friends and family and want to go back to how it was. Pretty sad honestly but a common occurrence

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LolaStrm1970 t1_j1ja0fn wrote

Most women, like this fiancé’ are completely dependent on their partner financially. They call 911 when they fear for their life, but when they realize they’ll have no home, no income and no insurance, they charge their mind.

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Hippie_in_paradise t1_j1jkjnd wrote

It’s so hard to admit to abuse. Just because she initiated a physical altercation doesn’t mean she isn’t being abused. In a lot of domestic situations there is back n forth abuse until someone dies.

1

Benu5 t1_j1jlal8 wrote

It also means doing what the victim wants to do about the alleged crime. If they don't want to go to the cops, or publicly accuse someone, then don't go to the cops or publicly accuse someone.

In this case, the person believes she was strangled, but because she has come out in public and said that she hasn't been (which is a common thing for DV survivors to do), they are sad to see that.

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JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1joej5 wrote

He hasn't been convicted yet, but he was suspended indefinitely without pay. Doesn't that seem like a good enough response until all the facts come out and he has his day in court, or at least until the university, or the police, can conduct an investigation? Do we really want to be at the point where an accusation means someone is immediately fired? Like just telling him to stay away and not paying him isn't enough, it has to be immediate termination without any due process at all?

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DrAmbulanceDriver t1_j1jq21m wrote

It’s not like there’s anything preventing her from getting those things. She can file divorce and get some of the assets. She can find her own job. If she doesn’t want to do those things, then fine. I understand DV victims recanting their statements, but can we not at least allow adults to make their own decisions, however disappointing those decisions may be to somebody outside of the situation.

−26

Yakestar t1_j1jq8gj wrote

Stockholm syndrome has entered the chat

1

erinraspberry t1_j1jsg2p wrote

How do you strangle someone in self-defense

−7

AntawnSL t1_j1jti8t wrote

Unfortunately, she has as much to lose as he does from all of this. The money, the prestige; if he goes to prison, any divorce settlement would get much smaller. Don't mean to be cynical, but I think it plays a large part.

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ObviousTroll37 t1_j1jttuz wrote

Divorce attorney here. Abused women retract and it’s unfortunate, but there are a lot of fake DV allegations as well. Liars ruin it for their husbands AND for real victims. And everyone lies. All the time.

Men are only victims of DV 25% of the time. So female arrests happen, but it’s not even close to 1:1.

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McDuchess t1_j1ju25g wrote

Want to know the lowest bar of relationships?

Observe.

“I broke his glasses and he didn’t strangle me because of it.”

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MRmandato t1_j1jwph2 wrote

Never suggested DV arrests for men and women are equal. Theres a lot of reasons for that. Ie. Men also commit more violent crime in general.

People lie or misrepresent all crimes. That much is true. Routinely Abused DV victims often are too afraid to press charges or are emotionally manipulated into not.

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keyekeb8 t1_j1jyrww wrote

Lol why are you being downvoted?

Your take is actually empowering because it means people have the capability and power to change their lives, rather than accept fate and stay in a shitty cycle of abuse.

−17

Zeidantu t1_j1jzgaj wrote

First thought: "Hey cool! There's an ACTUAL Coach Beard like on Ted Lasso!"

After finishing reading the headline: "Oh no..."

−1

Zeidantu t1_j1jzh8k wrote

First thought: "Hey cool! There's an ACTUAL Coach Beard like on Ted Lasso!"

After finishing reading the headline: "Oh no..."

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morosco t1_j1k235y wrote

Technically, since she's still alive, it was only an attempted strangulation.

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jjjam t1_j1k5dv2 wrote

Well, when you realize your source of massive amounts income is going away for up to 10 years and won't pay any alimony or child support, then you start to reconsider your options.

−6

bigmattson t1_j1k7j2f wrote

That’s usually what they say, it’s why it’s called a vicious cycle

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The_Woman_of_Gont t1_j1k7qzo wrote

Yup. It’s part of why a lot of states will decide to charge these sorts of crimes unilaterally without regard to input from the victims. The amount of abused individuals willing to voluntarily cooperate with charging their abuser with a crime, and not ask that they be dropped, is frighteningly small.

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JoshALLENspitonmepls t1_j1k7w9q wrote

Male victim here. I lived through it for seven years. When I simply tried leaving the first time she called the police and said I had hit her. I was covered with bruises and cuts, both fresh and old. She didn’t have a mark on her. Didn’t stop the cop from getting in my face like he was going to beat the shit out of me.

Three weeks later I escaped for the second time. I was playing league of legends with my friends and was just happy to be out. I made it home to NY to my mom and grandma. A cop who’s a family friend to my ex’s mom (he wants to fuck her and has wanted to for 20 years) showed up and told me that I was suicidal and needed to be taken to a hospital immediately. I had no clue what the fuck he was talking about but my ex and her drunk of a mother used to use their moms “cop friend” as a threat and now he was right in front of me. I informed him that I wasn’t suicidal and that the only person that would’ve called that in was my abuser. Also I informed him that my family could attest that I was okay. Didn’t matter. He threatened me with arrest and wouldn’t let me shut my door. I was taken to Strong Memorial Hospital in Rochester NY. My trauma reaction to the situation is that I had been kidnapped.

I was given two options in life. Return to my abuser or have this police officer harassing my family and embarrassing us to our neighbors constantly.

If anyone wonders why women wait twenty years to report things… here ya go

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dwarfcow t1_j1k9h2s wrote

Many narcissistic women end up dating multiple men who experience and remember being victimized and lied about in their own lives - which, unfortunately, colors their, and their families' collective reasoning. It doesn't matter if it's a minority of the cases when it's been seared into someone's reality.

−10

Tokenvoice t1_j1k9re2 wrote

Its interesting that you have been downvoted. Because everyone is saying that her claim that she was abused should be believed, which you agreed with. Then you go on to say that when they retract the allegation they shouldn’t be believed because they are liars.

Which makes sense because either the accusation or the retraction is a lie, so both should be looked into. If the accusation is a lie then she tried to ruin a man, if the retraction is the lie then he should be put up on charges.

Now I could be putting words in your mouth through a false sense of wanting to think the best of people, but what you say as a stand alone comment is logical. Or you’re being a douche and hating on women for a joke but I don’t want to believe that one.

2

Duke_AllStar t1_j1kb4tk wrote

She said “he did not strangle me, only stifled my air intake”

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jjjam t1_j1kcerm wrote

My comment was devoid of assigning blame. There is clearly a structural patriarchy that is influencing the decision. But if you don't think that's why she retracted her statement, then I got some land near the coast?

−2

Ithaca44 t1_j1kcxqi wrote

go back to whatever boomer hole you crawled out of man. actually despicable comment. even if thats why she retracted her statement, she isnt think right because imagine what she'll get in the divorce with all that. ur a jackass, and people like u need to reevaluate what year it is.

−11

Zip_Up t1_j1kdhp6 wrote

“Oh shit you lost your million dollar job? I’ll call and take it back”

−1

JoshALLENspitonmepls t1_j1kdnk1 wrote

I am. But the damage was done, my cat was stolen, my car was abandoned in Ohio. And now I spend my days sick from C-PTSD, teeth rotting out of my skull, pacing back and forth for 2-16 hours a day. Honestly, I feel trapped again.

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bga93 t1_j1kdxh3 wrote

I mean obviously due process only refers to your legal rights, employers in at-will states can do what they want mostly

Also, we have things like pre-trial holding in the legal system so even then its not some catch-all one simple trick

Edit: pre-trial holding not pre-charge

−4

saoyraan t1_j1ke78i wrote

In the justice system ay least in America you are innocent until proven guilty. Believing victims auto incriminates and points doubt to the defendant. Perfect example would be Johnny vs amber heard. She claimed victim but her defense was easily proven falsified. She was the abuser claiming to be victim. Some of Hollywood still believes her even with all the evidence out in the open. They also marked Johnny guilty before trial and cancel cultured his career. After the evidence and Johnny's innocence proven he is still seen guilty and amber has her DC acting career.

−2

Jer489 t1_j1ki2m4 wrote

Sigh…

Except when you are not married you are not necessarily able to escape the abuser while maintaining the financial stability they provide.

Which was exactly the point the original comment made to which you responded with your mistaken assumption of their marraige status.

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realraptorjesus101 t1_j1ki3sd wrote

Situation just gets weirder and weirder. Hope justice prevails one way or the other

3

j1ruk t1_j1km1j7 wrote

>“incredibly obvious she’s beaten.

>”I’m not saying he did it, but her retracting her statement definitely doesn’t mean she was lying when she said that he did do it.”

lol then what does it mean? “Guilty until proven innocent”?

I bet a false accusation against you would do wonders for your thought process.

−4

jdovejr t1_j1kml6i wrote

Your so should not even know how to bail you out on that. Much less that way.

1

PokerBeards t1_j1kp4pv wrote

Your taste in sports teams being questionable, I still wanted to say thanks for advocating. Been through it and luckily got access to a good lawyer during the ordeal otherwise who knows what would’ve happened.

7

Yolectroda t1_j1kppt2 wrote

> especially a wealthy high profile spouse

I was thinking this could be a major impact. She might view life with him, even if he's occasionally abusive, better than life without him (or what she thinks life without him would be like). It sounds awful, but living in luxury with few responsibilities would be worth it for some people to put up with an awful spouse.

3

PokerBeards t1_j1kqkht wrote

Not sure where you’re from but being lower income I had to rely on legal aid in BC. First assigned lawyer neglected to call me back for over a month so I had to get a new one who was fantastic. While I had no lawyer the British Columbia court appointed mediator out of Surrey tried to get me to sign off on my wife getting two weeks at a time with the boys while I’d get every second weekend. She told me the courts looked at that as stability and that I should agree to it. Broke my heart and thanks goodness I held strong for wanting a 50/50 split of time.

2

wolvesandwords t1_j1ktrv8 wrote

Yeah super obvious /s I’m from the same home town as Beard’s partner and she is a known psycho. She was fired from her High School volleyball coaching job because she was mentally and emotionally abusive to her team. Making a false allegation to police is well within her character. Be more careful when you spout off as an “expert opinion” next time.

−8

Inside-Drink-1311 t1_j1ktyh9 wrote

Chris Beard went from one of the most likable college basketball coaches to a villain.

1

ObviousTroll37 t1_j1kwtfj wrote

And their spouses are too. It’s all fun. They run the gamut from legitimate cases of abuse with asshole wife beaters, to insane tire-slashers who game the system to screw their husbands. Round and round we go.

12

limpnoads t1_j1kxhqd wrote

Lost all respect for this man...sad really, extremely good basketball coach, pretty obviously a shit human, no excuses why he should have his job.

0

AngelVirgo t1_j1kyz7l wrote

May I offer you some comfort?

First, I believe your story.

Second, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Third, on a practical level, are you able to take up yoga, Pilates, or meditation where you are? If not please walk in the great outdoors instead of your room. Walking can be a good healing activity. Release your pain.

Fourth, I understand dental work is expensive in the US, but I also know there are free dental clinic run by charity. Fixing your teeth will be a start. Liberate with body, liberate your soul.

You got this.

Grandma

8

AngelVirgo t1_j1l004n wrote

“He said, she said” is the worse situation to be in for all parties involved. If they know what’s right for them, they will break the engagement.

No one’s a winner here.

Edit: I’m not excusing the man and I’m also not victim blaming. I’m saying we don’t know the truth based on her conflicting statements to police.

7

JoshALLENspitonmepls t1_j1lb7a8 wrote

Because he wants my ex’s mom not my ex. Dudes built like a flaccid penis anyway. Ex’s mom was nonstop involved in our issues because she drank daily and it made her feel like she wasn’t a shit mother. Problem is she never helped stop the abuse, she always took her daughters side or made things worse.

3

Waterfish3333 t1_j1lno4k wrote

I just like to imagine the headline suggesting the coach’s beard has it’s own fiancé.

1

calikawaiidad t1_j1m0dkq wrote

Boy I wish I could get my fiancé to say I didn’t strangle her

1

JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1m36cq wrote

It’s possible to be concerned with two things. The original comment said he should be fired already. I was addressing that. Do you really believe that it’s not possible to both think domestic abuse is bad and that an indefinite, unpaid suspension is a sufficient punishment for now? I wish I lived in your black or white world. Sounds easy.

2

JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1m42l6 wrote

Well you got me. I used due process in an informal sense and not a legalistic sense. I must support domestic abuse. Well played.

You keep right on thinking that someone should be fired for any accusation. I’ll continue to believe that an indefinite, unpaid suspension is enough until some sort of due process…er…investigation has taken place.

2

bga93 t1_j1m4dmq wrote

So what you’re concerned with then is workers rights because the latitude given to employers in at-will (i think i said right to work previously) states is a little unfair

Hey Im concerned with that too, but i don’t use domestic abuse cases as the poster child for my cause and then defend said accused abuser

−1

JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1m4xjs wrote

So if someone says he should be fired and I disagree, I should NOT say anything because it makes a bad “poster child” for my point? Fairness is important all the time, not only in the most egregiously unfair cases. I clicked on a thread to find out what the deal was with this. I saw an opinion I disagreed with. I said something. Nowhere is it implied that this is supposed to be a “poster child” for anything. If you jumped to that conclusion, you should reevaluate. People can care about two things.

2

bga93 t1_j1m5ncq wrote

I mean if we want to act like we don’t know anything about domestic abuse and this is a brand new, never before seen concept that we have to grapple with for the first time.. your point is perfectly reasonable

But thats not the case now is it? Shit doesn’t happen in a vacuum and if you want to say the incredibly low percentage of false accusations somehow gives you pause in evaluating this, I can say the opposite using the exact same stat. Its up to you which side you want to fall on is all

0

JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1m6gp7 wrote

It’s possible to believe he’s almost certainly guilty while also thinking there should be an investigation before his employment is permanently severed, especially since they have already suspended him without pay. You don’t think that’s the case, I disagree. That’s fine.

2

bga93 t1_j1m6wud wrote

I would support that concept for victimless crimes like drug use/possession, etc. just not when the the abuser has any position of authority/power to continue their abuse

My apologies if I misunderstood your position then

1

JohnnyFootballStar t1_j1m7gnv wrote

I think you did misunderstand since in this case the abuser has very much been removed from their position (without pay) until they can figure out what happened, which I support. Have a good one!

2

saoyraan t1_j1p4die wrote

Problem is this is not a easy accusation. It has serious legality behind it. You may not like it but it is necessary for a fair trial. Humans lie and not all victims are victims. The victim has to prove their case in a court of law. Why America does not really have a punishment for false claims.

0

Alfred-Fallon-Borden t1_j1p4iav wrote

I feel like everyone ITT id misinterpreting me: the victim has literally walked back her statement and now no one wants to believe her anymore, ig because they want to prove their righteousness by continuing to pile on Beard?

2

CantFindMyWallet t1_j1slq09 wrote

You can't possibly be this stupid. He has a contract, so Texas being "at-will" isn't relevant. Firing him requires cause. Depending on the terms of the contract, they may be required to do some due diligence before terminating it.

1