So many memorable lines… I haven’t seen the show in years, so apologies for the inevitable inaccuracies in the following:

[From the episode where Hank’s sex tape gets out…]
Larry: Is it me or is Hank really well hung?
Artie: Well, don’t forget the camera adds 10 pounds.

[From the series finale]
Tom Petty: (whining) Aw, but I wanted to be your Bette Midler!
[OP: How many people nowadays would get this is a reference to Midler singing on Carson’s last show?]
[From the same episode]
Artie: Sorry, the show is running late, we’ll have to bump you to next week. Bruno Kirby: Are you crazy? There are no more shows. This is the last show dammit.
Artie: (Choking up) I know it is son, I know.

[Larry having to piss badly as his previous attempts at leaving during the show breaks were thwarted]
Larry: Artie, at the next break, clear the hallway to the bathroom. Warn the staff that it’s going to be out, and it’s going to be spraying.

[When a show is going particularly badly]
Larry: Artie, if I had a gun now I’d put it to my head, and stand close to you so that hopefully just the one bullet would take us both out.

[Edit: fixed line breaks]