Firstly, I'm so sorry. That sounds terrifying... Maybe stop doing shrooms? But that's a you choice. Secondly, I think given the circumstances, you have to understand that you were trying to help. You were not in your right mind and you were doing what you thought you had to. Like you said, you just didn't want someone you deeply care about to die... No one can fault you for that logic. And the fact you volunteered to clean up I think proves that you understand the situation. I think I'd look at it as a learning experience and perhaps just say no more shrooms...