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PushThePig28 t1_j1pykkq wrote

Reply to comment by doogieshnauser in TIFU: I molested the girl I like and now I don't know how to live with myself by Melodic-Spite-5918

I’ve ended up making out and playing with the tits of a lot of my female friends when we’re drunk sharing a bed. Some of them we have sex, a couple others - like this girl - the boundary is between the legs even when they’re naked in bed. The thing is once you find the boundary is and if it gets to “no” then that’s just it, the answer is no. You do not try again. Saying this from both sides of the coin, I’ve always respected no when they aren’t comfortable going further, and all my female friends have always respected when I said no when we we were fooling around a bit but I didn’t want to go all the way to fucking. It’s okay to find the boundary if there is one, but once you do you better respect it.

I think in a lot of close male/female friendships the reaction would’ve been “it’s all good just keep the hands above the waist” but A) you tried twice after being told no and B) she had been previously sexually assaulted and you knew this beforehand

Maybe she’ll be okay with you in time, maybe she won’t but that’s her call. In the meantime learn from this and don’t be shitty- no means no.

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doogieshnauser t1_j1pyzr9 wrote

no. you must get consent before touching at all and touching elsewhere

otherwise you risk violating boundaries and being accused of sexual assault

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PushThePig28 t1_j1q0ocu wrote

“Permission to play with the tiddies?” “Permission granted”

Or “can I put my hand in your pants” isn’t sexy

Honestly you can usually tell when people are open to it (well not this guy). If someone tells you they have a boundary simply don’t cross it.

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justinkroegerlake t1_j1q9umo wrote

"can I touch your chest" / "is it okay if I touch your chest" works fine and won't ruin anything. Or you just ask early on "let me know what's too much" and if nothing is too much she'll tell you something to that effect.

Honestly it is too easy for guys to not realize how scary it can be for a woman to say no or stop. Make it easier

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zeigzag666 t1_j1qe1yr wrote

Doesn't matter of it's sexy, it's crucial. And most people appreciate being considerate enough to ask for consent.

If you are dating someone who is turned off by you asking for consent, run. I dated someone like this once and they turned out to be very mentally unstable.

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doogieshnauser t1_j1qgg2p wrote

rape much?

there are way better ways to ask than you said here. some other posters have mentioned some good options above and below.

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