Thanks. Yeah I entirely agree with what you said, I also don't think she just saw me as a friend, both back then and now and that allowing me to touch her chest was a defense mechanism because she was scared of me. I just said that her being unable to ever see me as a romantic prospect turned out to be not true because over the last few months, she told me multiple times that she wouldn't rule that possibility out from ever happening and even back then we could've ended up together if things had gone differently and if we hadn't met at a time where we were both going through other things. Of course, that doesn't mean that she ever did see me as a romantic prospect and I don't think she did. I now that I have been displaying destructive behavior even back then (emotionally harmful to both myself and others) and I am continually working on that. I thought I was already much better then back then and much more in control of myself and that I had moved on from a lot of my problematic tendencies but it looks like maybe I just bottled things up. I have a lot to think about and to work on and this mistake something that I will always carry with me and that I will never be able to forgive myself but I'm willing to be better from here on out.