Don't beat yourself up to much. Sometimes Christmas is just another day. As I sit here at work on my train waiting for a 6am Xmas morning departure, the ex-wife and kids are 800km away, and even though I'll go to my parents later today, part of me just want to go home, go to the beach for a swim and then down a 6-pack and watch the cricket. It ok to hate on Xmas a little bit. It can lose its magic when you get older. Do want you want today. It'll be better for your mental health.