I (21F) have the most non existent sex drive. I’ve been dating my bf (23M) for almost a year. My bf has come to me multiple times about this issue. He wants me to initiate because he wants to feel wanted. (obviously who doesn’t) I just never desire or think about sex unless he is the one that initiates. We will go sexless for weeks if he is to leave it up to me. But sex is big to him and I really think he’s reached his last straw with me. It is affecting our relationship heavily. I’m a low income person so I’ve refrained from seeking a doctor but if I did I don’t even know what kind of doctor I would seek for? I never seen a doctor in America besides a psychiatrist so I’m not sure how this works and I also don’t have healthcare. I really want to change for him but this is so so hard for me. I don’t wanna just force myself to do that just to satisfy him. I really want to feel that kind of fire within me.
TL;DR I’m not a horny enough person and my boyfriend might leave me for it
EDIT: Some more info, I’ve attempted to leave him a few times because I’ve told him we are just not compatible but he always talks me into staying and working it out. He is very patient with me. He is completely convinced I am his life partner. As to what meds I consume, yes I am on the pill, trileptal for BPD, and smoke bud every day. I will talk to him about getting off the pill today because trileptal interferes with its effects anyway and perhaps my libido will see some light. And lastly I’ve already ordered the “Come as you are” book that’s been recommended so thank you.
EDIT EDIT: Before my boyfriend, I’ve only ever had hookups that I never had to initiate. Thru those experienced some sexual trauma that’s been a process thru therapy and meds. No I don’t masturbate. I don’t feel no desire to. It doesn’t make me feel good. If I look at porn I feel nothing more than disgust. I was celibate from late 16 yr to early 19 yr. (lost it at 16) Below that age I was chronically online so I’ve seen it all. Literally from age 8-15 I would casually watch porn.
(BPD as in Borderline personality disorder)