Complete edit:

Cave Johnson here. I would like to thank you for flying with Aperture Airlines today! The boys in the shop tell me we've got something really special. Now... Safety is for losers. You don't learn about science by being safe. That's for those pansies over at Delta and American.

Should the airplane experience a forceful landing in some random corn field, we need those seatbelts on tight so we can find out who you are after our HIGHLY experimental jet fuel does... Well whatever it does to humans, we just don't know!

We hope you enjoy the flight and remember, the snacks aren't free you just paid for them with your ticket.