Reminds me of the time I got food poisoning at a restaurant and had about an hour ride home. Got about 45 minutes away from home and thought, "Hmm, I'm gonna need a bathroom before long, wonder whether I can make it home."

About 30 minutes away from home, I realized, "Nope, gonna need a bathroom DAMN SOON."

See a rest stop off the highway JUST IN TIME "That's got my name on it."

Turned into one of those deals where the closer I got to the toilet, the pressure in my bowels increased logarithmically.

15 feet from the toilet -- bowel pressure: 200 psi

10 feet from the toilet -- bowel pressure 20000 psi

Like one of those thriller movies where the timer on the hydrogen bomb is counting down the seconds

Kick open the stall door fever chills up my neck oh please oh please oh fuck LOOKOUT

Pull down my pants halfway -- Houston we have liftoff

Thank God nobody was around because that shit went EVERYWHERE. I tried to clean it up but really it needed a high-pressure hose (and long-handled mop to reach the ceiling of the rest stop)