Submitted by i_wanna_b_the_guy t3_ztzr9g in washingtondc
I want to poop in a cool spot. Where’s the coolest spot you’ve pooped in the city?
Doesn’t necessarily have to be a free toilet, but has to be accessible to the general public
Comments
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gansv wrote
Gotta start pooping in the bushes in respect of #2
casiopt10 t1_j1gap1h wrote
Union Station bathrooms by the Sbarro. Top spot for me personally.
mrcba333 t1_j1gas0r wrote
Send it bro sorry I didnt answer your question im just so excited
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gb24e wrote
Lol I’m not salty, just messing around
mrcba333 t1_j1gb667 wrote
Frick yeah bro, we are part of history
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gbf24 wrote
I’ll check that one out next time I’m there, but I’m skeptical that any union station bathroom would be nice lol
weirdfish1995 t1_j1gco6n wrote
The Union Station bathroom by Sbarro would be the last place I’d go if I had the choice. The bathrooms by the Greyhound/Megabus stop are much better
keyjan t1_j1gdvg7 wrote
Any of the fancy hotels.
Back in the day, Garfinkel’s department store had a beautiful ladies' room.
https://dc.curbed.com/maps/bathroom-restroom-dc-washington-map
https://dc.eater.com/maps/dc-restaurant-bathrooms-perfect-for-instagram-selfies
[deleted] t1_j1ge3ep wrote
[deleted]
SonJulio t1_j1gefw0 wrote
The building museum - my favorite
Drire t1_j1gfjuj wrote
Pretty far out on the silver line but if you're willing to put in the time Tysons Galleria has a pretty dope bathroom experience on either the second or third floor, above the Sweetgreen
Neither-Copy785 t1_j1gfzgl wrote
The botanical gardens!
pomegranatecloud t1_j1gg8z0 wrote
Are you looking to be shanked and/or buy drugs and/or sex while pooping?
hoosyourdaddyo t1_j1ggezt wrote
The St Regis has a lovely bathroom
HighLord_Uther t1_j1ggrk7 wrote
The restroom under Thomas Jefferson memorial. Rarely used. Never seen anyone down there.
ohtherearerocks t1_j1ghb4w wrote
The ones at Planet Word are literally award winning
waconaty4eva t1_j1gi0g0 wrote
Roy Boys has Notorious B.I.G themed bathrooms
Affectionate-Study55 t1_j1gi2fd wrote
Bathroom at the Line Hotel in AdMo, hands down. Fancy schmancy 👌🏼
Lizzibabe t1_j1gj9cu wrote
YAAAAAAASSS. The building museum has beautiful bathrooms. And outside, it has picnic tables that have SWINGS FOR SEATS!!
lejohanofNWC t1_j1gk9lu wrote
Damn I was just there
toorigged2fail t1_j1gnduo wrote
He's being sarcastic. The worst two bathrooms in DC are generally accepted to be that one, and the one in the Lincoln memorial, especially during summer for the latter.
dc_dobbz t1_j1gns0b wrote
The bathrooms at the Watergate were nice enough that I was kind of sad I didn’t have to go.
Zwillium t1_j1go4x2 wrote
The restrooms here are great, but the actual toilet is average.
KombuchaLady3 t1_j1god7n wrote
Mayflower hotel
HighLord_Uther t1_j1goe1j wrote
That’s fair
Unable_Ad_2790 t1_j1gp56c wrote
The Jefferson
holdenselah t1_j1gp7i7 wrote
Oh the Lincoln bathroom 🤮
notsalinger t1_j1gp8mr wrote
Okay but honestly those never smell as bad imo
holdenselah t1_j1gpcip wrote
Ohhh such a good call
SluggingAndBussing t1_j1gr7ou wrote
The Lincoln one. Omg 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
baobeilanzhan t1_j1grl29 wrote
The public bathrooms at the Lincoln memorial are quite nice!
snowe99 t1_j1grlcc wrote
The WHAT?
Senator_Ruth_Martin t1_j1gs9wd wrote
Is there a specific one? I had to wait outside the sole unisex lobby toilet while a lady cleaned it. Inside was not worth the wait, I don't even think it had windows.
UniversalRedditName t1_j1gsi88 wrote
I’m gonna have to disagree. Last time I was there it was it nasty af
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gtdzd wrote
I’ve never considered that there would be articles for this, but of course there is
Jazzy_Jelly t1_j1gtfh9 wrote
dLeña’s bathroom in their speakeasy
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gtn2s wrote
I get by Tyson’s occasionally, will hit up sweet green next time I’m there
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1gtru3 wrote
Been looking for a speakeasy in the city too! Definitely going to try this one
Drire t1_j1gttcn wrote
Do it. I used to get a harvest bowl with spicy brocc added and rice swapped for quinoa. Pretty fun combo and takes to additional hot sauce well
PositiveZestyclose12 t1_j1gtymj wrote
A real life shit post. Merry Shitmas OP!
tcptennis t1_j1gvn8t wrote
If you're looking for a place to poop, you gotta check out the hottest club. It's called "Twice".
Don’t be thrown off when you’re greeted at the door by a rabbi that looks like Joaquin Phoenix — you’re in the right place. Also, it’s owned by Robert Blake.
This place has everything: Gauze, carnival barkers, groups of guys with afros in graduation caps, human fire hydrants (you know, it’s that thing of when high-waisted midgets have like, the red pants and the big ass).
claret-blue t1_j1gwjdg wrote
So you can shit while swinging?
ariusrx t1_j1gwpew wrote
Don't blow up the spot!!!
CaptchaCrunch t1_j1gxpkw wrote
Try to pass well enough to poop at a nice hotel
wareta t1_j1h642u wrote
Gallery Place McDonald's
alagrancosa t1_j1h6xa7 wrote
Ritz carlton
mrtsapostle t1_j1h6zpc wrote
Used to be the capitol office buildings before they introduced the new covid rules where you now need an escort to get in. Nothing like taking a shit in a marble lined bathroom with marble dividers and wooden stall doors in a bathroom with 15 foot ceilings. You hill staffers take those nice ass bathrooms for granted.
moonbunnychan t1_j1h825q wrote
Ah yes. That was the bathroom where I not long ago saw a lady have an argument with a person only she could see about why she didn't need to go to rehab. Pretty sure she needed to go to rehab.
moonbunnychan t1_j1h84xl wrote
When they're actually open I like the ones in the food court not because they're nice but because nobody else seems to know they're there.
chumbawumba_bruh t1_j1he3qy wrote
Don’t drop a bomb in the spot!
Successful-Plate3598 t1_j1hep23 wrote
Fairmont Georgetown.
grenadarose t1_j1hg8po wrote
last rime we were there the restroom was flooded and someone had also shat in the sink 🤢
North_Alley_4 t1_j1hoxe0 wrote
Hotel Monaco/Dirty Habit.
keyjan t1_j1hpvrn wrote
Which closed. (I mean, I know you’re talking shit—see what I did there?—but seriously, that location is closed.)
LazyPasse t1_j1hq4ox wrote
Botanic Gardens. Also one of the cleanest public restrooms in the city.
LazyPasse t1_j1hq8j1 wrote
this is the correct answer
fireonice14 t1_j1hs9ib wrote
I know everyone already said the commenter was being sarcastic but the Union Station bathrooms make the bathrooms at Penn Station in NYC look clean pristine so take that for what you will. I would rather hold it in until I get on an Amtrak train.
[deleted] t1_j1hscyq wrote
[removed]
[deleted] t1_j1hsgw7 wrote
[removed]
extraspectre t1_j1ht1bx wrote
SquircleTheWagons t1_j1hum2q wrote
These sound like complementary experiences
rooranger t1_j1huwh4 wrote
Ignore the down votes, your post is clever and hilarious. This guy was one of the funniest characters on SNL
No-Depth1460 t1_j1hvi47 wrote
Or swinging while shitting?
Honest_Performance42 t1_j1hwmw8 wrote
You mentioned #2 here, so I don’t see the problem.
cwoodgate t1_j1hwpcp wrote
Lol wtf I literally struggle when I have home bowl advantage and you all can sport poop at will? 🤯
AnyWinter7757 t1_j1hx894 wrote
I might have heard that lady when I visited last year. Or maybe I imagined it, as there was a powerful sweet smog in the restroom and I got quite a contact buzz off of it.
lovestostayathome t1_j1hxqe4 wrote
Mayflower
AADV123 t1_j1hy6ts wrote
DowntownDC has been putting those swing tables in other places downtown, like across from the ‘Liberty Place’ Starbucks next to the National Archives/Navy Memorial Metro
HighLord_Uther t1_j1hy9z6 wrote
Same thing I thought when someone told me about it 🤣
HighLord_Uther t1_j1hyd9h wrote
Oh. Oh my.
t3irelan t1_j1hyhly wrote
Not exactly easily accessible, but when I was a tour guide my favorite place to dookie was at the Holocaust Museum. Their bathrooms give me major Harry Potter Chamber of Secrets vibes. Plus they have a couch you can chill on too.
Drire t1_j1hymla wrote
I'm a man of my word
AADV123 t1_j1hynwn wrote
There’s actually a mystery employee who goes around different House Office Building bathrooms and fills up the bowls with enough toilet paper to reconstitute a tree, and then sh*ts so that their excrement sits on an island of toilet paper above the water.
It’s been going on for YEARS and every so often you’ll get some angry e-mail blast or laminated sign trying to scare the poo-petrator from striking again at their restroom.
Also be careful, some of the toilets in Longworth shoot water towards the stall door because it’s a bit too powerful for the slope of the toilet. If you’re not cleared outta there, either you’re getting an unsolicited bidet experience or your suit will have a wet spot on your backside.
dragonfangxl t1_j1hys9k wrote
pooping at the top of the trump hotel was pretty cool, the highest freely available spot in the city
drastician t1_j1i03ew wrote
Senator Larry Craig liked it well enough
dynospectrum7 t1_j1i110o wrote
The iToilet!
TheSheepdog t1_j1i13me wrote
Definitely not the gallery place metro stop toilets.
tealeel72 t1_j1i14f8 wrote
No shit (haha) I used those toilets on one of the last days before DC entered full lockdown mode in early 2020. So it was extra deserted.
PreparationH692 t1_j1i17k4 wrote
Finally…a thread I can relate to.
noleggysadsnail t1_j1i1jfz wrote
An older friend of mine has a file with the fbi because she pooped there after hours after a protest.
Vivid-Mortgage9855 t1_j1i1rak wrote
The bathrooms at the Ritz Carlton are nicer and bigger than my apartment.
Aromatic-Reach-7125 t1_j1i2wrc wrote
The bathroom at Naraya at the wharf. You'd probably at least have to get a drink at the bar to use it though.
HighLord_Uther t1_j1i34yf wrote
😂🤣oh wow, hell of a reason to have an FBI file
Gaijin_Monster t1_j1i4eol wrote
OP said in the city
krispissedoffersonn t1_j1i4jw3 wrote
take my morning chuckle upvote, damnit
beingtwiceasnice t1_j1i4npa wrote
World class museums have world class toilets. I love eating a big meal and then lazily ambulating around a Smithsonian til the mood takes me. Natural History has never done me wrong.
ekkidee t1_j1i57az wrote
This thread is execrable.
artmarv t1_j1i5fhi wrote
Trump Hotel
robertglasper t1_j1i5ruc wrote
El Centro in Georgetown is a fun one.
artmarv t1_j1i5sfr wrote
this isn't a joke. The Willard is good too.
PreparationH692 t1_j1i61b8 wrote
Like excrement?
myWitsYourWagers t1_j1i6etm wrote
Try eating a vegetable.
versello t1_j1i6g96 wrote
Are you shitting there right now?
Covid-19202122 t1_j1i6z66 wrote
Shhhh don’t ruin it
Roe91517 t1_j1i99ss wrote
It’s always my half run lunch time pee break spot! Hate that it’s been closed for remodeling
I_have_a_chair t1_j1ia5og wrote
Any metro elevator
Baaaakedbeans t1_j1iakzd wrote
This is the best thing I’ve read in while. I’m going to addd home bowl advantage to my vocabulary.
oxtailplanning t1_j1ialax wrote
Library of Congress is literally all marble. It's the most luxurious shit you'll ever take. You feel like a king.
Plus pretty empty.
Oldbayistheshit t1_j1iapix wrote
My buddy runs bathrooms in DC on IG haha
mmeeplechase t1_j1ibfnd wrote
That’s what I first pictured too, and it seems like such a risky setup 😅
taiknism t1_j1ic0c6 wrote
The Ronald Reagan building bathrooms aren’t the fanciest, but usually pretty reliable in terms of cleanliness.
Zwillium t1_j1ic4eo wrote
I live in the neighborhood.
bassmaster_gen t1_j1icg2w wrote
the ala toilets in dupont are neat
summatophd t1_j1ickai wrote
Came here to say something similar
i_wanna_b_the_guy OP t1_j1id7jp wrote
Merry Shitmas to all, and to all a good dump!
dreams_at_dusk t1_j1idbjv wrote
The bathrooms at the bottom of the Moxy Hotel.
WillyHamster t1_j1iem8g wrote
The sidewalk. Act like a crackhead and no one will know the difference. And you get a view of everything happening around you!
webbmoncure t1_j1if6ui wrote
The portajohns just before you hit the 14th street bridge bike path. Always clean. Underutilized. Great pitstop to save yourself from having to use the ones at Gravelly Point.
Eagleburgerite t1_j1ighig wrote
It seems I'm not the only public pooper in DC.
Eagleburgerite t1_j1igiit wrote
W hotel has some nice cans.
lurkinislife t1_j1igurc wrote
He makes his BMMMMM in the PMMMMM!
abcpdo t1_j1ihzks wrote
you mean the one under the Carnegie Library Apple store?
dcbear75 t1_j1ii4pz wrote
The bathrooms at Off The Record in the basement of the Hay-Adams are uber classy.
rogue_imperator t1_j1ij5n3 wrote
chinatown/gallery place. smithsonian portrait gallery.
cwoodgate t1_j1ijtrz wrote
(Looking at broccoli) I need therapy more than vegetables.
TheForceMajeure t1_j1ik5cp wrote
Make sure it’s the Jefferson. Other buildings aren’t so great.
Nice_Quail_8090 t1_j1ikc1d wrote
The Mandarin Hotel has nice bathrooms.
erotomachy t1_j1ikpef wrote
Ever since I got a bidet, I dread pooping on the road.
Arctica23 t1_j1im6a5 wrote
I haven't been in years but I recall the Library of Congress having some pretty nice restrooms
Arctica23 t1_j1ime5p wrote
I love that you can name one specific bathroom in a whole city and everyone (myself included!) instantly knows and agrees
aleinstein t1_j1in05v wrote
Be careful with your knees on those swings. I hit my kneecap after a long windup -- ouch!
ItsLiterallyPK t1_j1inv3o wrote
The building museum has awesome restrooms and an equally awesome store!
legalhandcannon t1_j1iob67 wrote
The ones under the Lincoln were a swamp of urine and TP
Neither-Copy785 t1_j1iobr0 wrote
Typical for Jefferson. Never know if you're going to get the eloquent champion of freedom or the enslaver.
Bebop0420 t1_j1ioh09 wrote
I’d guess it’s secretly an anti-homeless thing
darthjoey91 t1_j1ip5nt wrote
At that point, my assumption is it's a Congressperson.
HomeRuled t1_j1iq5tm wrote
Room and board on 14th! Top floor option, obviously.
prss79513 t1_j1iqkeq wrote
This screams Cruz
JDTalk t1_j1ir9v2 wrote
So you live in Maryland by time you get to Tyson's galleria you don't dumped all on yourself.
What a shitty question
TweeksTurbos t1_j1irzyg wrote
Try the Basilica!
placeperson t1_j1iw8e9 wrote
The last time I was at the Building Museum, the bathroom experience was definitely unique, although not strictly confined to the bathrooms
delirium_hc t1_j1j0j8f wrote
Yep, Jefferson Bldg is the better way to go.
ashashinscreed t1_j1j0pst wrote
The Mayflower Hotel. Just act like you’re a guest and use the one in the lobby.
prss79513 t1_j1j2mxl wrote
I feel like it would be all sweaty
erineegads t1_j1j58j4 wrote
When the old postal building used to be the Trump Hotel I used to go shit in that one. Flushed a few extra times.
Technicolor_Reindeer t1_j1j5utu wrote
All the Smithsonian museums have decent bathrooms. I miss being a volunteer there because I could just flash my ID card and skip the lines when I needed a bathroom while on the mall.
Technicolor_Reindeer t1_j1j5x4n wrote
IBS/IBD is a bitch.
Technicolor_Reindeer t1_j1j64w3 wrote
The bathrooms are okay but what I hate is the sinks. Barely any space to wash your hands.
oxtailplanning t1_j1j67e6 wrote
I don't even think about the Madison when I think LOC to be honest.
LazyPasse t1_j1j68nf wrote
One of the neat things is that the Botanic Gardens have a variety of microclimates, so you might decide to pass through a tropical rainforest, a desert, and a temperate garden on your way to the back, where the bathrooms are. No matter the weather, it’s always pleasant in there.
Drire t1_j1j6ewh wrote
I used to work in Tyson and haven't always lived in Rockville 👉😎👉
oxtailplanning t1_j1j6gy1 wrote
Apart from some puns, those bathrooms look pretty pedestrian. Plus gaps around the doors, no go for me
Drire t1_j1j6h71 wrote
How the hell did this turn into the highest votes suggestion? 😂
soundguy1977 t1_j1j6tsc wrote
Not Union Station. Some of the worst smelling i have ever been to.
myWitsYourWagers t1_j1j7oc3 wrote
Yep, fully sympathize.
JDTalk t1_j1j81oa wrote
I was really making a joke out of it not something per se about you. If I'm out and about in downtown silver spring and I have to use the bathroom I'm not going to travel to Tyson's galleria. Just poking fun
FSOTFitzgerald t1_j1j8qub wrote
r/NewYorksHottestClub
Drire t1_j1j9000 wrote
Oh dope I misread lol
JDTalk t1_j1j9gwo wrote
ertri t1_j1j9r2v wrote
Fields at RFK are great
Konrow t1_j1jaxcg wrote
Smithsonians or nice hotels are always my go to if possible. Smithsonian castle is great and central, the willard has pretty bathrooms so that's a plus if you're gonna be a bit longer and want fancy surroundings lmao.
spandrewszy t1_j1jbqfy wrote
Delta’s A220 aircraft has a window in the back left lav.
bodybydada t1_j1jdcar wrote
C'mon up to Balmer for the new John Waters toilets: https://bmoreart.com/2021/10/speeches-champagne-and-lines-for-the-loo-new-john-waters-bathrooms-at-the-bma.html
Flame87 t1_j1jh4qf wrote
Basically everything is anymore, I still dig them though.
Brendduh t1_j1jh5en wrote
Pentagon city mall, Nordstrom
AmbientGravitas t1_j1jjr8f wrote
A true “nature break,” then.
Fulano_MK1 t1_j1jw46g wrote
I have this belief that everyone has a regular life "super power" - mine is that I can poop, whenever I want (or not poop when I don't want, I can hold it for just about forever). I developed this power back in high school, pooping immediately after school and before cross-country practice started. It was absolutely crucial during the two years I was a Peace Corps volunteer in the Dominican Republic.
My wife has never selected an avocado from the grocery store that wasn't absolutely perfect. That's her super power, and it has spoiled me and crippled my avocado-selecting confidence.
HighLord_Uther t1_j1k24j1 wrote
😬 I’d say Lincoln gets more traffic.
go4tli t1_j1k2ywq wrote
Waldorf=Astoria Hotel in the Old Post Office building.
Faaaaaancy.
keyjan t1_j1k42qq wrote
Oooh they should totally renovate the existing bathrooms out on the front lawn at the sidewalk and call them that!
[deleted] t1_j1k43yh wrote
[removed]
myoungk t1_j1k4et0 wrote
This makes me to visit that museum
keyjan t1_j1k4ovm wrote
As I recall, there's a bathroom on one of the upper levels at Nat'l Cathedral, too. (Although some of the bathrooms in the basement are kinda cool, too. (Particularly in winter; no heat. 🥶))
keyjan t1_j1k5lb7 wrote
It’s very cool. Even if you don’t want to pay to go into the galleries, go in anyway and just ogle the architecture.
PombaGira2020 t1_j1k6lsl wrote
I can’t second this. Did the nasty in one 😂😂
PombaGira2020 t1_j1k6o8c wrote
Is this place hard to get into after a certain time ?
dreams_at_dusk t1_j1k7ko3 wrote
Hmm maybe when their hotel bar is closed but hotels are generally easy to get around in on the common area floors.
aLovely_gem t1_j1kg766 wrote
Portrait Gallery in Chinatown. If you have an emergency near Metro, Metro Center Macy's (very convenient and open, usually clean)
MyNameCannotBeSpoken t1_j1kij5k wrote
Are you shy?
oxtailplanning t1_j1kxycf wrote
I prefer privacy for private matters. I don't think that's unusual.
GooseCannonGT t1_j1lh9so wrote
Used to use the air and space museum bathrooms on weekdays. Found out the Native American history museum is the better option.
AADV123 t1_j1lu2vp wrote
They sued to SHRINK WRAP them every night to prevent homeless use. Homeless people would just rip into the shrink wrap so they have up. How WASTEFUL though! All that plastic…
allianora t1_j1ncd26 wrote
The bathrooms off Peacock Alley in the Willard Hotel were just renovated. Lovely new wallpaper. Hotel Monaco also has some great wallpaper and fixtures. Mandarin Oriental/now the Salamander is pretty with very nice soap and hand lotion (assuming the new owners didn't change much). The second floor bathroom at American Art/Portrait Gallery that is by the Luce Center is a family bathroom so you have a big room to yourself.
The FDR Memorial has the best bathrooms on the Tidal Basin. Very utilitarian but always reliable plus they have the heat on in the very early morning when I'm down there to take dawn photos during cherry blossom time.
HTTRfuggSnyder t1_j1p3zan wrote
I’ve always dreamt of taking a freedom dump on the national mall, but never had the balls or bowels to actually do it
PombaGira2020 t1_j1rirgu wrote
I love this one. The paper towels are so plush
PombaGira2020 t1_j1riw4a wrote
And now I must go
mrcba333 t1_j1ga2zg wrote
Alex Ovechkin is now the number 2 all time goal scorer of all time in the NHL. I just pee on bushes but good luck hockey history has been made