ExpressingThoughts
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyez4rx wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in Is the guy I’m dating pulling the wool over my eyes, or is he genuine? by [deleted]
He may just be hung up on that term. Ask him what's the difference between "my girl" and "girlfriend".
Sidenote, I'm not a fan of my girl, sounds possessive and even stronger than girlfriend tbh.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyey49a wrote
I'm confused. I don't see anything to worry about.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyexyvj wrote
It's a bit weird having an extra step between committed and that label.
Asks what he means and the difference between the two. It's just a label. Does he not want to introduce you to hide family until you are officially boyfriend/girlfriend? If his friends ask him about you, what will he refer to you as?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyewzyf wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in Wife (32) and I (32) are very different when it comes to how we deal with anger, stress and disappointment. I am slowly starting to lose the ability to accept how she deals with it by [deleted]
I'm glad! If you are worried she may not be receptive, you can phrase it as getting more tools to help your relationship and each other as you are both going through a stressful time.
If you can't afford it, read up on how to request changes in a relationship. A good statement to use when she is in a good mood is this: "I want to talk about what happened the other day. I understand that you were upset that there were shards on the carpet, and I feel horrible for that. I will be more careful next time. However, I also felt sad and scared when you didn't respond to me out of your anger. I would like us both to still be there and present with each other even when we are angry. It is called stonewalling. Can we read about it and talk ideas on how we can do that?"
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyevjh4 wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in Wife (32) and I (32) are very different when it comes to how we deal with anger, stress and disappointment. I am slowly starting to lose the ability to accept how she deals with it by [deleted]
You seem aversive to the term toxic. I can say what she is doing is "hurtful" and "unproductive" instead then?
That's great your relationship is otherwise good, but you want to fix this specific thing.
Counseling provides tools for couples to be stronger. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with the relationship or is a last ditch attempt. Even some healthy couples I know go to counseling once in awhile to make sure everything is going well.
Check out this article at least if you want to work on it on your own: https://www.rwapsych.com.au/blog/the-four-horsemen-toxic-communication-styles-and-how-to-rein-them-in/
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyetg19 wrote
Reply to Wife (32) and I (32) are very different when it comes to how we deal with anger, stress and disappointment. I am slowly starting to lose the ability to accept how she deals with it by [deleted]
What she is doing is called stonewalling, and it is one of the main reasons for toxic relationships. Tell her you want to go to couples therapy because you are hurt by the silent treatments.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyeq911 wrote
Reply to comment by Ok-Paramedic-6472 in Girlfriend just cussed at me for the first time by [deleted]
I'd say just apologize to each other, have a discussion over what happened and what to do next time, and move on.
As for the "do whatever you want", try to say something else like, "would you feel happy if you did it?" Or "I'm glad you value my opinion. Personally I would". If you say something like "you should do what you want", it could be taken as a tad dismissive. She cares about your opinions, so she is asking you. If you put it back on her, that may make her feel like she can't engage with you as much.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyemkib wrote
Reply to comment by Ok-Paramedic-6472 in Girlfriend just cussed at me for the first time by [deleted]
What she said was rude. In a relationship, I'd like it to be respectful without telling the other person off or any other forms of resentment and dismissal.
I'm confused why it escalated so quickly. Do you two get into arguments over minor things like this often?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyekxxu wrote
Context? What did you say before she said it, and what were you talking about?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyeksx2 wrote
Reply to New boyfriend has unrealistic future plans/goals. Leave now, or see if it changes? by [deleted]
It sounds like you don't want the same things in life anyway, so even if they were realistic I don't think they would match yours. Also I'd be questioning his ability to problem solve and make solid plans if he really has this as his only plan.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk7n6j wrote
Reply to comment by [deleted] in Gf said I’m too close with my sister. by [deleted]
You're fine.
Is your girlfriend really upset, or just commenting and looking for reassurance nothing weird is going on? I'd just reassure her you are a normal sibling relationship and talk about her experiences with her siblings.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk77o8 wrote
Reply to comment by InspectionAntique764 in My Bf thinks it’s okay not to tell me his plan’s because “we don’t live together” by InspectionAntique764
That sounds like sunk cost falacy to me, and people can fake or hide things for six months to a year easy.
I'd take this test and keep a lookout: https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/
Hopefully he will apologize for what he said to you and promises to not do that again.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk6yvw wrote
Reply to comment by InspectionAntique764 in My Bf thinks it’s okay not to tell me his plan’s because “we don’t live together” by InspectionAntique764
I mean you're looking for clues when something isn't right when his actions are showing outright he's abusive.
It is emotional abuse to threaten to fall off the face of the earth in order to end a discussion. Is this how all conflicts will go- if he wants to end the discussion, he threatens to disappear on you?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk2iw2 wrote
Reply to Gf said I’m too close with my sister. by [deleted]
Why the word "cuddle"? What does this cuddling look like?
As for spending time together alone, that's normal for siblings? Do you two do anything weird together?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk261u wrote
Reply to comment by InspectionAntique764 in My Bf thinks it’s okay not to tell me his plan’s because “we don’t live together” by InspectionAntique764
Wow for over a year? He sounds like he has avoidant issues or is hiding another life. Have you talked to him about moving in together and the future?
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk1vgy wrote
Reply to never had a co-worker approach me like this. am I reading too much into this by cardsandcoyotes
It sounds like you are both interested in each other and she potentially asked you on a date. Go and have fun. Try to be your most confident self.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk1de6 wrote
Reply to My Bf thinks it’s okay not to tell me his plan’s because “we don’t live together” by InspectionAntique764
> He said that’s the end out it or hell out the phone down and go awol and if he does that I’ll never see him again.
That's not normal at all to threaten to break up and never see him again. I'd consider that a red flag and leave.
As for checking in, even when we weren't living together, my partners and I would check in plenty of times just because we were excited to tell each other what we were doing and to make plans.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iujz58j wrote
> But that night he just left me hanging and ignored me till the next morning, saying he was so insecure about what I was feeling for him (he didn't ask) he just couldn't get himeself to call me.
Regardless of his reasons, this is a big red flag in itself. Don't date people who are insecure. It causes too many problems in relationships and they should be working on themselves instead.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iujyt0p wrote
A pregnancy test would give you a better answer than us. Yes there's a chance she could be pregnant.
ExpressingThoughts t1_iyf8x67 wrote
Reply to I have Long Covid and it’s too much to handle for my girlfriend by throwRAlongcovid
Can you buy premade meals or meal prep on days you feel good? Do you two use a dishwasher? Can you put your dog into training camp so they don't misbehave? I'm confused why there are that many chores. Are you two messy and don't pick up after yourselves?