A couple of made Mafia guys are doing some work with a relative of the late Dr. Kevorkian.

They're trying to come up with a "Make-it-look-like-a-suicide" machine.

No more threesomes for me.

I'm going to stick to disappointing women one at a time.

When they first came out with the self-adhesive stamps, they called them "Prohibition Stamps."

They're no-lickers.

You say can't, and I say can't.

You say class, and I say class.

You say laugh, and I say laugh.

On paper, we're fine.

I'm not going if the background music is nothing more than a medley of his hit.

"Sugar" is the only word in which the "s" is pronounced as "sh".

I am sure of that.

If your assignment was to read this sentence out loud:

"I read a newspaper."

and that was all you had, just the one sentence, how could you possibly know if the verb was present tense or past tense? You could only get it right if your teacher was feeling generous that day.

Also known as Paul.

Topped in the Comments.

*sigh*

I walked in on my parents when I was 17 years old, and I still didn't know what they were doing.

And from the looks of things, neither did they.

What did the Scottish lady say to the kilted salesman climbing a ladder in the clothing store?

"That looks very interesting right up there."

What's the definition of a slutty Scottish woman?

Someone who will go after anyone in a skirt.

Urine sane.

He'd get along well with my dog, whose name is Joe. Joe Cocker.

Define "better."

Head teller? What did she have to do to get that job?

Who wants to come back as a flower, anyway?

I think it's pretty obvious that this joke was never intended to be realistic. Repeat to yourself, it's just a joke, I should really just relax.

But we were smart enough to get rid of those silly wigs in the courtroom.