I wouldn’t say it’s a red flag from her, more so an inability to relate/empathize with your mental illness. I do think the “ultimatum” is a bit much, but you guys talked that through and got to the bottom of it.

If you’re happy with yourself then there’s no reason to do individual therapy. I was saying seek it out if you think you need it. I do think you need couples counseling tho, because a therapist in that sense can help her understand your struggle and maybe give you both the tools to manage.

I get that, I’m so good at holding promises to other people but when it comes to holding myself to that same standard I shrug it off.

I had that happen to me this past weekend. There were so many things I said I was going to get done around my house and I ended up maybe getting only one of those things partially done. It sucks, and I hate that I’m like this because I don’t want to be. I was formally diagnosed with ADHD as a child and took Ritalin for years, but at some point I just stopped and never talked about it again. That was when I was 10? It’s been roughly 18 years since then and I just recently realized that I might still be dealing with it along with my depression. After all, it’s been proven that most people with ADHD struggle with another form of mental illness, mostly depression and anxiety.

If this is something you really want to change in yourself, seek a therapist. They’ll help give you the tools you need to overcome.

I had to do a double take and make sure I didn’t write this myself and forgot about it because holy hell man you and I have the exact same tendencies. Your post was like holding a mirror up to myself.

Listen, I’m 28 as well and deal with the same ADHD issues coupled with severe depression. My wife is 2 years older than me, but she deals with pretty bad anxiety. Our mental health has been a source of struggle and strife in our relationship, but it’s also a connection. We’re able to empathize with each other more when one of use is going through a low point in our mental health, and when one of us is down the other picks up the slack. There was a time where she was down so often and made little to no effort to try and seek help that it began to weigh on me, almost to the point of leaving. Vice versa, the same has happened with me and how she couldn’t keep dealing with it. We can only help others as long as we’re not draining ourselves to help them, and that applies to relationships.

Your communication with her is fantastic, keep that up. Strong relationships are built on strong communication. This sounds more like a problem with her not being able to empathize with your ADHD. Maybe couples counseling would help? Not sure what the best answer is, but I’m wishing the best for you two.