I realize too that that’s an issue in itself. “Go make more friends” isn’t particularly helpful if you already struggle to do so, or if your potential social circle is limited in size or scope.

I can say for certain though, that a girlfriend (or even getting laid constantly) will not solve all your problems, nor will working out (can speak from experience on both of those). The biggest boost to my confidence has been:

1. Medication. Seriously. I struggled with emotional regulation for a long time until I found the right cocktail that worked for me. There is no shame in relying on something that helps you heal, so you can be a better version of you. Think of it like having a broken leg. You need a crutch or a wheelchair to get around while your body heals. Medication is the exact same fucking thing when it comes to the mind and emotions. Don’t let anyone shame you into thinking otherwise. If you do decide to go down this path, keep an eye on how emotionally stable you feel day to day, and maintain a good line of communication with your psychiatrist. You don’t necessarily have to see a therapist on top of that, especially if money is tight but…

2. Build a social circle that is supportive and encouraging. Kinda looping back to my original post. Good friends you can talk to about what you’re going through, that will listen and relate rather than judge.

3. Lose your ego, or at least learn to tamp it down. That’s not a personal attack, but a general statement. Nothing inhibits your ability to adapt and grow than thinking you’re perfect; or, alternatively, bemoaning your lot in life and you don’t deserve the hand you’ve been dealt. Both are a sign of an over inflated ego. Yes, everyone starts life on a different level. Some are born rich, some are poor. Some are born with good looks, some are almost totally physically unattractive. Some are socially savvy, others are social dunces. The more you brag or whine about what you do or don’t have, the less likely you’ll attract anyone, let alone the potential love of your life, and the less you’ll grow. Ultimately, if you want to live the life of your dreams, you need to be able to adapt to whatever comes, leverage your strengths, and develop the skills you are otherwise weak at. The ego must take a back seat if you are to take an objective look at yourself to see what your strengths and weaknesses are.

I know how you feel. Before I met my now-fiancé, I didn’t know how to live for myself in any meaningful way, and now that she is part of my life, I am learning so much about how to not only care for myself, but also for her, as well as the friendships I’ve made along the way. I’ve struggled with maintaining relationships of any kind, so now that I have some social stability, it feels odd to now have the capacity to work on myself.

Ultimately, the best advice I can give is to build relationships that will make you happy and fulfill you, as well as motivate you to grow. those can be of any kind: family, friends, sexual, romantic, etc. It is so much harder to better yourself when you’re alone and don’t have anyone on your side. No man is an island, as the saying goes. We are fundamentally a social species, which is why even the most anti-social of us still tend to go a little nutty when we isolate for too long. Self-care is good, and highly encouraged, but not the only piece of the puzzle. Learn how to talk and relate to people and be comfortable around them, and you will find your tribe.