Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, and Utah and all the other Mormon states just accept botulism and salmonella as “God’s Will.”

Fruit baked in a pie is not fresh. It’s baked and sterilized. It also has to be made in a commercial kitchen that has passed DOH inspections.

However the WA Dept of Agriculture and the department of Health make damn sure you aren’t spreading insects across the state or blasting fruits and vegetables with toxic crap that makes people sick.

Wear rain gear, dress warm, and stay the fuck away from drift logs.

Cool. Bald Eagle is on the table tonight, boys!! /s

They won’t have time to take a shit. They’ll be either be stuck in traffic, trapped by wildfires, or unable to make ferry reservations. You don’t just drive onto the Coho. Same with the San Juan ferries. You need reservations months out.

Unrealistic is an understatement. More like an insane fantasy.

They won’t have time to even take a piss with what they have on their itinerary, much less tromp around in the woods and then bust out a stove and frying pan to sizzle up some chanterelles.

💯

They won’t have time for that. They will have time for like 1/10th of what they want to see.

Totally. It’s like 4 hours just from Bend to Crater Lake. One way. Then like two-to-four hours just to climb down to the lake and back. Bring water and make sure you use the restroom before you head down. That climb back up is brutal.

Wherever you go get there VERY early. During summer, you can’t even find parking anywhere after 9AM. If you’re going from Portland to Bend, take I-84 through The Gorge to Hood River. Then head South on OR35 until you hook back up with US26 at the foot of Mt Hood. Do NOT try to take US26 or you’ll be stuck in traffic lights and crappy urban sprawl for hours, vs. getting to see some of the best scenery, restaurants, museums, waterfalls and save yourself a few hours and a shitload of fuel.
When you head back through to Astoria, you can actually save a bit of time by heading north up I-5 and take WA14 out of Longview. Same stretch of river, but better Mexican food. Clatskanie is a dump, full of speed traps, but Skamokawa is a cute little town. There’s really fuckall to do in Astoria anyway except drink. That’ll put you right onto US101 north. Will take you straight up along the coast-ish near the beaches toward the rainforests. Be sure to get fuel in Aberdeen at the Safeway before you head up the peninsula. Otherwise the Quinaults with take you to the cleaners. Forks sucks, but you can find a cheap motel there if need.

EDIT: I re-read your itinerary, and it is completely wildly unrealistic. The only way you could make this schedule is by doing a bunch of drugs and stay awake for a month straight or own a Star Trek teleporter. Also, Portland has become a shitshow of drug addicts. The main shopping district is a mix of religious crazies and drugged out lunatics.
EDIT2: You’re dealing with an area larger than France, Germany and Spain with almost 0% of the infrastructure. California by itself is larger than Sweden and the 3rd largest economy in the world.

You couldn’t pay me to attend another gorge show. Gas. $80. Camping? Fuck, who knows? Maybe $100? Tickets for two? $250-500 per person. Bottle of water in 100° heat? $15. Food? Fuck you, bud. Enjoy your drive to Moses Lake and forfeit your tickets and camping spot. Oh, wait enjoy your DUI inspection from WSP and Grant County Sheriff.

It’s called Point Defiance because the US military set up cannons on both sides, making the waterway a death zone for any British or Spanish ships coming in to fuck around. Later, forts were built up along the Strait of Juan de Fuca. Not even the Japanese could get through with submarines. Oh and occasionally old forgotten sea mines rust out their chains and come bobbing up like corks.

The Spanish, Russians, and British charted the coastline throughout the 1700’s and 1800’s. The Russians only gave a shit about shooting otters for furs. And shooting Inuit for fun. Once they wiped out all the otters between Alaska and San Francisco, they pretty much pulled up stakes and sold Alaska to The USA as a big Fuck You to the British which was colonizing Canada. The Russian Empire wanted a buffer between Siberia and the British. The War with Mexico added pretty much everything north of the Rio Grande to the US. The Gadsen Purchase added a bit more land in Southern Arizona to build a railroad. This is a short-ass version of history. I left out the Indian Wars and the near extinction of the deer and elk herds.

Completely agree. It cost me $20 to see The Ramones in 1992. I thought that was pretty steep at the time. Saw the Violent Femmes a few years ago at the Showbox. Tix were about $70 each. Someone offered us $500 for the pair.

I wouldn’t ever spend more than $50 bucks on a ticket. What these venues are doing is just price gouging. I wouldn’t give a shit who was playing. Fuck that. I’ll download their shit off the Internet. It’ll sound exactly the same, however I get to sit on my own couch and pay $2 for my beer, not $20.

Also Jack shit for jobs, rampant meth use, property theft, coastal flooding, brutal weather…

https://twitter.com/USCGPacificNW/status/1621613914093154306?s=20&t=Rzzi5Iy8iG3zdzi924dd1Q
My brother lived in Aberdeen for two years. He moved away after he almost hanged himself.

Fun fact: Out on the Olympic coast the moss and ferns on the tops of branches are their very own micro-ecosystem with unique flora and fauna.
Same with the ledges on cliffs in the mountains. The falcon nests, mosses, plants, and insects are all very unique. They’re up high and relatively safe compared to being on the ground.

Driftwood.

Went kayaking at Harstine. There were millions upon millions of finger-sized fish in the water beneath us.
My advice is to use the boat launch just before the bridge. It’s free, and you don’t have to hoof it 250 yards down to the water. The two state parks on the island itself suck.
Oh and there’s a chance of seeing bottle nose dolphins. They showed up in Puget Sound back in the 1990’s.

That’s not Buckley. There’s no Logger’s Playground or speed trap cops everywhere.
No John Birch Society right-wing crazy signs all along the highway.

A couple years ago, I went out on Dungeness Spit with my daughter. I saw it coming, so I jumped up on some driftwood to get out of its way. A family of five tourists that didn’t know to never trust Poseidon went from being 10 feet away from the water to being knocked ass over teakettle by a sneaker wave. Thankfully, their little ones weren’t swept out. I ran down the spit and my daughter, her boyfriend and I all decided it was time to go.

No, it’s not. I’ve made bowls and cups. What’s expensive is the blast furnaces, O2, and power bills. You’re full of shit.