Throwaway0274639 t1_iu7kxaz wrote on October 29, 2022 at 4:04 AM

Reply to comment by The_Blindside in LPT : Telling someone how proud you are of them just hits different by The_Blindside

I just edited my comment before I read this and we are saying the same thing haha sorry I came off a little strong! I’m a bit biased about this situation xD

Throwaway0274639 t1_iu7jawl wrote on October 29, 2022 at 3:48 AM

Reply to LPT : Telling someone how proud you are of them just hits different by The_Blindside

I disagree pretty massively. Being told “I’m proud of you” is very condescending, unless it has been clearly established that the person saying it is highly respected, knowledgeable towards the related achievement, etc… for example, your dad scenario fits. There’s an established hierarchy in society that kids want to make their parents proud (obviously this is a case by case basis; not all families are like this but you get my drift). Another good example would be a boss, or a mentor figure, telling their apprentice they’re proud of them. Or perhaps a sponsor telling a recovering addict they are proud of them. Or if you approached a friend for some specific advice (because the friend has experience in the matter), and their advice brings success after your efforts— makes sense for them to say, “I am proud of you.”

Those situations are pretty rare though. Most of the time— it comes off as condescending. It removes autonomy from the person’s efforts that probably had nothing to do with you or your opinion. I often find that people who frequently say “I’m proud of you” when it is not warranted are trying to take credit in some way or another for someone’s accomplishments. Or they are implying “hey! You did the thing I knew you should have done all along. Good on you for finally getting it!”

Some alternatives to “I am proud of you” when it doesn’t truly fit— “You are super impressive.” “Wow, that was really inspirational.” “You’re so talented.” “I’d like to be like that/do that thing, but I find it difficult. Can I have some tips?” Blah blah. You give them their autonomy; that’s important.

Edit: adding that when I said “you” (aside from the dad example), I didn’t mean OP specifically but just society in general. Clearly OP has positive experiences with their dad and gf; I am just adding caution and awareness to not say “I’m proud of you” so casually in every situation.