enduring_student

enduring_student t1_iuv0jip wrote

Thank you, I really liked this. I'm going though a lot right now and this sort of thing helps remind me why I'm putting in the effort to work through my problems (sorting out the mess) rather than around them (stuffing it away somewhere) - because if I sort it out today tomorrow will be better.

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enduring_student t1_iuk46hy wrote

I think this one's pretty good.

It is important to consider many, many angles. If lots of people hate you, something has likely gone very wrong even if you intend no harm: you're opinion, the information you based it on, how you're acting on it, when you're saying it, what else is going on at the time, etc, etc.

The answer could be as difficult as you have some bias that hurts a lot of people and you need to root it out, or it could just be you have an angry tone to your voice all the time even when you're not angry and you just need some speaking practice.

It may be as simple as 'haters gonna hate' but you won't know unless you look carefully. So look. It is badass to look at yourself because it's scary and difficult.

Edited for clarity.

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enduring_student t1_iuccr7x wrote

I find that this is especially good when the stakes of failure are slow start or low.

E.g.: Start eating healthier now, right now. Sure order a healthy cooking book and maybe a meal kit subscription if you want, but also just say no to the last doughnut, throw it away if you have to. Just start.

You have permission to just go for it.

Edited for spelling

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enduring_student t1_itom7rf wrote

For the most part I really agree with this. There are a few truly cruel people or cruel actions, but for the most part we are social, empathetic, aware, pleasure-seeking creatures - we want to be around other, we feel what they feel, and we know that - so to act cruelly to others is to hurt ourselves.

Most people just want to get along because, it the end, that's where a lot of happiness is.

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enduring_student t1_it9xw43 wrote

Both comfort zones and dreams are good, healthy things, so it's vital to know which is more good & healthy for you in a given situation and then choose wisely.

I suppose the unspoken truth behind this quote is to be sure to have healthy dreams so when you choose them it's a healthy choice.

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enduring_student t1_isikl9m wrote

You know, I think your idea of feeling like an alien, and having a hard time finding the right kinds of people, is interesting. Yeah, feeling alienated is normal when your life is changing. You simply haven't gotten to try out the new options available to you. And it's ok, because if it where easy you'd've already done it.

Maybe try something low-key to find other people to connect with. Maybe a hobby or two, or get into a fandom of a tv show or movie you like, and chatting online for a few weeks just to get the feel of your new normal with people, then chatting IRL. I know how hard it is to deliberately try to make friends and the let-down if it doesn't work is awful, so if you just aim to share interests you can get two birds with one stone: having a hobby to motivate you and put your new energy into, and getting used to interacting with non-depressed people. Maybe friends will happen too.

And at the very least, you are having a chat with a non-depressed person right now. I used to be depressed. I know that other side. I highly recommend the happier, more energy, give a fuck side.

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