Agreed. It's not clear if OP meant completely, or just distancing from toxic people. Toxic people, absolutely; completely, not as a general position on mental health. (There's probably a small minority of people for whom this would work, but not many.)

But in terms of eliminating toxic people, family members aren't sacred here. If you have a parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. who doesn't do your mental health any favors, it's okay to cut them out of you need to. Consider it carefully, but if it needs to be done, it's okay to do it.

Years ago, we had a bottle of sparkling apple cider we'd opened. The plastic cap had been put on it. Being the smart-ass, I wanted to pop the top off and watch it fly a little. So, I gave it a small shake and popped the top off.

Years later, you could still see the stain on the kitchen ceiling.

Sounds like you're learning communication skills, which is good. I didn't see your first post, so I don't know how old your marriage or your kids are. But communication is essential.

I don't much care what my wife does, so long as she lets me know. Not to be controlling, but to make sure she's okay. Our classic story is, I used to work nights. I'd call her around 7:30 PM just to check in, see how her day was, etc. (This is before cell phones were popular, 1998.) 7:30PM rolls around, no answer. No big deal. 8:00PM, no answer. 8:30PM, no answer. I'm getting concerned, because she has a medical history. I was doing ambulance dispatching and had a good relationship with the 911 center, so I called nonemergency and asked if there'd been any medical calls at her work or around our place. No, nothing. 9:00PM rolls around and I still can't reach her. I call my FIL (same town), who offers to come pick up my keys. In the meantime, 911 offers to do a welfare check. I said yes to both offers.

My FIL and SIL come and get my keys and they head to our place. In the meantime, 911 calls home and finally gets my wife. "Hi, this is Washington County 911. Your husband is really worried about you, so we were checking to see if everything was okay." They called off the welfare check, but I couldn't call off my FIL (no cell phone).

I found out she'd had a busy day, she was relaxing watching the Olympics, and she turned off the ringer on the phone in the bedroom. By sheer coincidence, during a commercial, she heard another phone ringing. She was a little annoyed, but when I pointed out this was our pattern and now there was a break in it, she understood. In the future, if she wanted to go to bed early, she just told me that, and no worries.

If she's had a hard day, fine. If she were to want to go get pizza, fine. If she wants to spend time with friends until 2:00AM, fine. I don't care, she can do what she wants, and I fully trust her. I just want to know so I'm not worried about whether she's okay or not.

We've been married 25+ years and together for 30+ years, so something's going right.

Edit: This really makes it sound like it's a one-way street. It's not. I tell her where I'm going as well and what time I expect to be home. Bidirectional communication. We'd already had pretty good communication in the past, but due to recent circumstances, it's gotten even better in the last two years. I just need to know she's safe and she needs to know I'm safe.

Oh definitely. I took MAX for around 17 years-ish. Never saw a naked person that I recall, but certainly saw things I never wanted to. Lesser of many evils, though. We were a one-car household and my wife needed it. Pandemic, now WFH, don't need to Trimet any more unless it's absolutely 100% the only way to get where I need to go. I think I've used it once.

My wife, my college-ager, their friend, and I were all headed eastbound, about 9:00 PM, on Interstate 84 in Portland, Oregon, a few months back. We were at about 60th Avenue. The light rail line parallels the interstate and has a stop at 60th. There was a train approaching the station, and we noticed there was a guy at the front of the train, just outside the operator cab, buck-ass naked. There were other people in that car, apparently ignoring him, or he'd just started and they didn't have a chance to move. Regardless, I was so grateful I wasn't on there.

Thanks for the response. Getting the vaccine doesn't bother me, I just didn't know if it was still a concern without having had chicken pox proper. That age isn't far off, so it's information I'll need.

Thank you. I thought that might be the case, so I was going to talk to my MD at my next physical. Reaching the age where this is a consideration . . .

I started working for a local hospital system around the turn of the century. They asked if I was up-to-date on my vaccines, and I said yes. Brought in the hep B documentation and everything.

Then they asked: have you ever had chicken pox? Dunno. Not that I'm aware of. They drew a titre and -- nope, no antibodies. They gave me the vaccine late 20's, early 30's. My next question, that I'll ask my MD, is if I need to worry about shingles. If I never had chicken pox, if I had the vaccine, should that be protection enough so I don't need to worry about it? My first reaction is "yes, that's true."

I had two broken teeth that had been repaired (to the best they could) when I was in high school. I have a tooth gap in those two front teeth. I met my girlfriend in high school over 30 years ago. I was also the computer geek.

When we got married, I was over 300 pounds. Still am (I've had periods of time when I've been below that, but mostly over 300). We got married over 25 years ago.

I didn't get my Associate's degree until over 10 years out of high school. My Bachelor's was over 25 years out of high school.

You mention permanent organ damage. I lost vision in an eye in May 2020 due to a stress event. The workup showed I had a congenital heart condition I never knew anything about.

I have always been an introvert. I had some major changes in my life since September 2021 that have caused me mental, emotional, and spiritual issues, such that I left my religion. The stress from all of this induced some additional physical issues, such that I was put on five new cardiac medications in less than four months. I found out in June I've had lifelong anxiety I didn't know about. (I didn't know what anxiety felt like, so I couldn't relate it.) The introvert has slowly started to reach out to friends and co-workers, asking if they want to go to Happy Hour somewhere. And I'm the one initiating it. And I go and I have a good time.

I'm squarely middle age on the road of life, where I see the milepost that says 50.

This is not me trying to one-up. This is me trying to tell you your life is far from over. You can become more social -- if you want to. You can meet someone who respects you for you, even if your body doesn't look like a model. You can lose the weight. I won't say it's easy. Talk to your doctor. But if you want to accomplish it, it can be done. It'll take time. Once you start to meet people who respect you for you, you'll start to feel better in your skin because you'll be surrounded by people who don't find what you look like important, just who you are.

Your life doesn't have to be storybook, following exactly what society says right when it says. And you can have a very satisfying, fulfilling life.

Please, keep the therapy going. Keep the gym going. You'll see results. It'll be slow, but it'll happen. It's been slow for me. But it's happening, and it will for you too.

I had something similar happen. I didn't get fired, but I worked at a small business, early 90's, first job out of high school. Someone acted like a Karen before the term was common. I told a co-worker the person had acted like a bitch. My first real job, co-worker thought they should talk to owner/boss about it. Got a stern talking-to about how we can't be referring to our customers as bitches or other such derogatory names. Yeah, okay, point taken, went back to my desk duly chastised.

Co-worker and I spoke later. She admitted why she'd told boss, but said boss busted a gut when she heard because, yeah, the customer was a bitch. But boss had to put up the appearance to teach me a lesson.

Oh shit. I never saw The Goonies, but I knew him as Corporal Elmo Hitalski in M*A*S*H. He was passed over for a promotion to Sergeant by Major Winchester (among others). They end up giving him faked papers and a "transfer". Newly-minted Sergeant Maxwell Klinger calls the MPs and reports Corporal Hitalski as being AWOL, impersonating a sergeant, and going to try to grab a transport out of Kimpo Air Base.

Winchester: "He's a rather large gentleman, possessing a fist the approximate site of Ohio. He has assured me that, should he not be promoted, he will pound me into the ground like a croquet stake." -- Promotion Commotion

I wanna meet Steve. On general principles. I want to meet someone as cool as him. Never met Fred Rogers, Steve Burns is, like, same tier.

"A word, to the efficient, is sufficient."

I suspect they'd see it as a betrayal of the people they know and love. And would they keep their memories of their life as it exists? Because then, there'd be massive guilt that you rejected the direction of life with the people you know and love.

For me, I stopped doing my homework at an early age. For middle school and high school, I got put into private school so the class sizes would be smaller and they'd have better contact with the teachers. Spoiler alert, it didn't help. But I met my wife in high school 30+ years ago now. If I'd just done my homework consistently, I'd have never been transferred to private schools, and I'd never have met her. Even if I knew my life would be "better," and if I knew I would meet someone "better," well -- first of all, I can't visualize that, she's literally the best thing that's ever happened to me, and to choose a different life would carry some measure of "she's not good enough for me." Even if she never knew I chose a different life in this scenario, and we never met, I could never make that choice. And even if my life is better, what's the guarantee hers is?

I think the "But for some reason . . . most people wouldn't pull that lever" is completely understandable.

Edit: after posting this reply, I started thinking -- what is the definition of "better?" It's so nebulous and individual. Easier? Happier? Will I win the lottery or be the CEO of a major corporation? Is that better? I'm not monetarily rich, but I wouldn't trade the family I have for anything. I work a job where I feel I serve humanity. (I'm a network engineer at a hospital system. I learned I'm not cut out for direct patient care, but my work provides RNs, MDs, CNAs, RTs, etc. the information they need at a moment's notice to treat someone who is hurting.) That knowledge keeps me coming to work, even when I don't want to. I've been going through a lot of emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical turmoil/pain in the last 15 months. My wife, kids, and therapist (among many others) are behind me 100%. Would my life be "better" without that pain, without needing to go through all that? There's someone who draws fantastic fan art for a show I watch. He posted this end of November. Is "easier" or with less pain inherently better and happier? There are so many things to consider.

Edit 2: Well, I got busted for crossposting another subreddit. Didn't think about it. The drawing in question is for a show called The Owl House, by a user named makmark. In it, the main character is having a discussion with her earlier self. Her earlier self wants to stay with the life she has, because her dad didn't die of cancer and her mom fixed the bullying issues. But her older self explains that life isn't perfect, it has its ups and downs, and we're going to make mistakes, but all that helps us to grow and cherish what we have. The younger character decides to join the older character and continue on (where they stick it to one of the main antagonists).

If things had been different in my childhood, I'd never have met my wife. Sadness.

Mythbusters visited Portland, Oregon in 2012. I got up on stage with Adam and Jamie, and about 7 others all together. It was the start of the show. They were talking about science and hypotheses and such. Six of us got into a tug-of-war with Jamie. He wasn't breaking a sweat while all of us struggled against him. Eventually, we gave up.

Moral of the story was to always challenge your assumptions. His side of the rope was tied down to the floor.

I agree with the others here. Talk to your colleague.

You say alcohol isn't an excuse, but you wouldn't have said it if you weren't drunk. And you weren't the only one drunk there.

The fact you knew he was gay makes me wonder if it wasn't a secret, that at least some of your colleagues already knew. How did you find out?

And he laughed it off. Is he the kind of guy to laugh things off like this? If so, he's probably okay with it. Some people are just easygoing and wouldn't give this another thought.

Talk to your colleague. If you self-report to HR, almost guaranteed they're going to start an investigation that will likely end up in some form of disciplinary action.

Oh my God, thank you. I needed this!!!

It's a Gravity Falls reference.

https://gravityfalls.fandom.com/wiki/Infinity_sided_dice

I'm still waiting to see an infinity-sided die.

Absolutely feel that. Just got my anxiety diagnosis in June. It's easy to see it in the way you explained, I'm absolutely not trying to diminish that.

I'm grateful you two got the misunderstanding figured out!

I try to be acutely aware of this kind of thing, so if an interpretation like this could occur, I take a moment to confirm with the other party before I freak out.

Until you die. Then the duration reaches infinity.

I've always taken it to mean there's one right answer, or I just need to make a decision -- any decision. But that's the framing in which I use it. "If I had a gun to my head and had to make a decision this second, I would choose insert option here." It helps me get past those times when I'm just waffling and can't decide.

>Welcome to biological life; it's disgusting, but it works.

I'd argue it's only disgusting because we choose to see it that way. Biological life is an amazing and diverse work of machinery.