You sure those are turkeys?

Little twiggy branches usually can't support a 10-20lb bird.

I'd bet that a man that was 5'4 and roided out of their mind would be referred to as a large man in a news article

So why did you bring up a pitbull?

Local school budget is going up another 10%.

Ironically enough... $2.6 million

Don't worry! My pitbull hasn't eaten anybody yet, just 27 chickens and 8 goats.

...and so she is less likely to eat me.

#PitbullLove

So what if you throw a ratchet strap over the snow and tie it down?

What if I throw a ratchet strap over the top of it?

And in 20 years we'll find out that this process creates ______ the most harmful toxin known to man.

Look at this guy taking pictures while driving.

Hi, my name is Gerald Malloy.

Joe Biden graduated from college!

Top half of his class!

And nobody from Vermont calls them crawdads (or crawfish).

Crawdads!?

I guess there really are a lot of flatlanders in Burlington!

Bring some Vaseline!

By calling the police when you were rear-ended.

Are those the state sponsored drug hotels?

How do I sign up for the cult?

Climate change

You WILL DIE if you aren't driving a Subaru with studded Blizzaks and chains.

Fun fact, we get more snow now than we did 100 years ago.

Bernie can use his humble little summer camp's guest house to open a sports gambling hall. He can use all of the proceeds to build houses (instead of pods) for the homeless

Sounds good to me.

Maybe we should make the high earning workers pay for those low earners.

Pumpkins are holiday decor.

Or is "holiday decor" code for "Christmas decorations"