thisoneisnotasbad

thisoneisnotasbad t1_jcvnf16 wrote

I did the same,bought it right before rates went crazy high last year. I won’t retire for another 10 or 15 years but bought a place about 15 minutes from the gulf coast. I’ll spend 6 months and a day there and 6 months minus a day at my place in VT. Florida is much more giving on the tax of retirement and social security. I figure I own the VT house outright and as real estate is usually a good investment long term. This way I’ll be able to leave each of the three kids a house when I go as either a place to live or so they can sell it and do what they want with the money.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jcjtk9b wrote

Or maybe the rep doesn’t care. He represents a multinational child care company in a state with a severe childcare shortage. I looked and tuition now is under $5 an hour. Are you honestly saying all it is worth is $5 an hour to raise a child 40 hours per week.

Let me rephrase it. How much do you think is a reasonable about per child to charge for daycare? How much do you think is a reasonable number of children per person to watch at a daycare? How much do you think is an acceptable salary for a person watching said children? How much investment back into facilities on an annual basis is appropriate for a day care?

When times are tough and everyone is hurting, is the place you want to pinch pennies really the person with a large amount of influence over your child’s early development?

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbx7h90 wrote

Reply to comment by Kink4202 in Good morning Vermont, by RamaSchneider

I would. I have a finite amount of rage within me so a list which has a large number of data points included would be useful. Maybe like people impacted, some sort is indicator on the outcome of the injustice, the relative equity standing of those being impacted. I’m not a data scientist so I’ll leave the details to you but get me the list and I’ll figure out the places where my VT white guy outrage can influence the most positive change and get back to you.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbsons7 wrote

Your response sounds even more unfortunate. Again, nobody ever said it will be a smooth ride forever. You continue to pretend I said that for some reason. It is rather strange you feel the need to do so.

I said, if you need a 3rd party to facilitate communication your partner is not and never will be compatible enough for a long term relationship that is not based, to at least some degree, on settling.

Since you are still going to find this woman I assume you are young and haven’t yet. I assure you, you won’t need to pay someone to assist you in communicating with that person when you find her. If you do, 1/2 those days will be wondering if you settled out of fear of being alone.

Your whole post reeks of justification.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbnqp9j wrote

I think you are incredibly unfortunate. Your take will leave you with a good enough relationship your whole life and you will never get that feeling that the person you go to bed next to at night is the right person for you. There will always be a seed of doubt.

With that said I never said relationships are not a lot of work. I said if you need a third party to mediate the chances are the core differences between you and your partner will always be there. They may be simple things like how affection is expressed or received. They may be things like pet peeves that lead to resentment or they maybe big things like lingering issues of past abuse or negligence.

The need for a marriage counselor points out to a lack of ability to communicate on a basic level. The lack of one person or both to be able to express their concerns and be heard by the other.

Again, do you want to go through life with good enough? There are billions of people out there in the world. Don’t you think there is one who can hear you without needing a mediator.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbm2bt0 wrote

I see your point, just disagree I guess. 38% of folks who see a marriage counselor are divorced in 4 years so the success rate is better than 50%, if you goal is to avoid divorce. There are no readily available stats about how many people are happier after. I think the need for a marriage counselor shows the person in not right for you and I think everyone deserves someone who is a match for them rather that just “we can make it work”.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jblzt07 wrote

Not at all. I think the idea that a third party needs to facilitate a good relationship means it is not a good relationship. I think a lot of people rush into marriage as an institution due to social pressure and I think that if more people would focus on finding someone who is more compatible as a human being rather that someone with the same short term goals (ie marriage as a goal) the divorce rate would go down and people would generally have longer more fulfilling lives and relationships.

How many people do you know who see marriage as a goal rather than finding true love as a goal.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbly9jq wrote

Kinda off topic and I apologize.

I never understood people who run into marriage. I’ve known women who married a resume then the husbands are surprised they sleep around and women who married their mentor figure and wonder why they feel like someone is alway telling them what to do.

If you are in a marriage and you and your partner can’t communicate without a third party well enough to work shit out, that person may not be an ideal life partner. Do you really want to go through your adult life with a good enough person. You deserve better. If you haven’t found that person keep looking and if you can never find that person, the problem was probably you to start with.

Life is too short to waste any of it on bad relationships.

With that said, sorry you are having a shitty time, I don’t know any therapists in the UV, but I wish you the best of luck.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jbc1xba wrote

The closest I’ve come is many rainbow gatherings. The thing I find with communal living like that is that a small percent of the people usually end up doing the bulk of the work. I never mind the work part, I like working, I like building shit, cooking, and gathering wood. I never liked the sense of entitlement that a lot of the others displayed when it came to enjoying the fruits of my labor.

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thisoneisnotasbad t1_jb06e8k wrote

How much?

I can find 750 a week during session. 508 a week for lodging m/t/w/th And 345 a week for food.

That’s 1603 a week but they only work maybe 6 months and can’t live in Montpelier year round because they need to live where they serve.

So they make about 83k per year but can only work part time so 42k per year and need to maintain two separate living locations to participate.

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